Stagger Lee Feedback Experiment - Performing Songwriter

See below the original note for the re-write I settled on.

Hey, thanks for stopping by. Can you help me with an experiment?

I’ll explain why I need help when I reach enough comments at the end of the experiment. I don’t need a ton of them. A dozen or so should do.

And I’m not trying to be mysterious here. It’s just if I tell you why I need your help now, it might affect the result.

Your participation here will directly help other songwriters in the end.

All I need you to do is read the below lyric, and give as much original detailed songwriting feedback as you can. If you can be specific, that’s a big help.

While I appreciate stuff like “This song is lame” or “This song is touching.” Whatever you have to say, give your reasons you feel a certain way at various points in the song.

The good, the bad, the ugly, the charming, the touching, the wretched.

Whatever you want to say. I’ve got gator skin. You aren’t going to hurt my feelings.

That’s it.

Here we go. Jusst e-mail them to me directly.

And thanks.

Stagger Lee

She scuffled down the sidewalk
With her shopping cart full of clothes
A Walmart bag shivered in the wind full of everything she owned
Labeled just a drunk
Cause she’d slip off on the grass
Rumor was, her morning started straight off the flask
Her weathered face looked kind a mean
So they called her Stagger Lee

I met her at the sidewalk
With a twenty in my hand
When her eyes met mine I’d knew I’d never understand
All the pain she’d been through
All the trouble all the loss
I could hear it in her voice, she paid some kind of cost
A neighbor yelled out, son you are naïve
Don’t you know that’s Stagger Lee

[Bridge]

Watching her walk down the street
I wonder who she really was
Was she someone’s grandma
Was she loved?

She got down to her corner
Turned to me and smiled
We stared at one another for a while
I wondered if this town would ever see
She was more than Stagger Lee

The gossip at the diner
Came with the morning news
The woman that they found face down was Linda McCloo
The photograph was blurry
The news print smeared from snow
Weren’t no one in that place who really didn’t know
Still they made a choice to see
It was just old Stagger Lee

At the end of my driveway
I found a shopping cart full of clothes
A Walmart bag blowing in the wind full of everything she owned.

Stagger Lee

Verse1:
She’d scuffle down the sidewalk
With her shopping cart full of clothes
A Walmart bag shivered in the wind full of everything she owned
Seen as just a drunk
Cause she’d stumble on the cracks
Rumor was her morning started straight from the flask
Her weathered skin made her look mean
So they called her Stagger Lee

Verse 2:
I met her at the sidewalk
With a twenty in my hand
When her eyes met mine I’d knew I’d never understand
The hollow in her eyes
The demons that she Faught
The hunch ridin’ on her back said she paid some kind of cost
A neighbor yelled out, son you are naïve
Don’t you know that’s Stagger Lee?

Bridge:
Watchin’ her walk down the street
I wondered who she really was
Was she someone’s grandma… was she loved?
She reached the corner
With a nod she almost smiled
We stared at one another for a while
I wondered if this town would ever see
She’s more than Stagger Lee

Verse 3:
The gossip at the diner
Came with the morning news
The woman that they found face down was Nancy Anne McClew
The headline print was blurry
And the photo smeared from snow
But there weren’t no one in that place who really didn’t know
Still they made a choice to see
Oh it was just old Stagger Lee

Outro:
At the end of my driveway
I found a shopping cart full of clothes
A Walmart bag shiverin’ in the wind full of everything she owned.

That’s it. Got comments? Jusst e-mail them to me directly.