Story Behind The Song: Harder Ways
Posted on June 7, 2010 with 0 comments
Story Behind The Song: Harder Ways
I write this month’s edition with the risk of possibility that the folks who were both the inspiration and topical message of the song, may get wind of this entry. I say risk, although the chance is not certain or large, it does exist. Due to the precarious and tender point of life they are in, it could be taken personally anywhere from flattery to offense, or perhaps deepen any negative feelings they are currently experiencing.
However, I’ve looked at it from my own perspective if I were in their shoes, as much as one can without actually being there, and how I’d feel about someone writing using me as a foundation and felt I’d be absolutely fine with it. It is how I feel, and so what I wrote, I mean it as a life lesson for the rest of us. I in no way wish to single out anyone or make them uncomfortable, so I’ve written as generic as possible.
The place where my work takes me is pretty routine in task, offering me the opportunity to get to know many people on the premises. My work is one that allows me to move from building to building, meeting various new people, and getting to know even better those whom I’ve chatted with extensively over the years. Some I’ve associated with outside the work environment. The point is, some folks are occasional re-acquaintances and others you get to know fairly well.
Within the past couple months I’ve seen one particular acquaintance again re-enter her battle against cancer. Though I don’t know her very well personally, I’ve talked with her a few times, have talked with her dad often and she is well known due to her situation. She has given it a fair shove with a hopeful audience watching from their grateful distance, but is now approaching her final battle grounds. A doctor’s six month prognosis before she’ll lose the war has turned into only weeks.
Writer’s Note: I originally wrote this in the beginning of the week. Sadly I have since learned only two nights ago, that the individual above has moved on to life after Earth. Though this is very sad, her suffering is no more. End of note.
Another person who I’ve also only met a few times, talking cordially but seeing around the premises often, went for a check up and found stage 4 lung cancer. She also with a doctor’s estimation of only six months before her war comes to an end.
Another person who some months back found out about skin cancer, was being treated and later found it traveled internally, as well just recently was also handed a six month war plan, which at this writing is narrowing in on the last couple months.
This latter gentleman is one whom I’ve talked to at length about football, fishing, kids, politics, office politics, cost of living, unions, home projects and a host of things. While I’ve never associated with him off site, I will say I can tell you how he stands on any of the above topics and more, and know him fairly well from the years of conversations.
Recently I saw him on the premises and he just sounded tired from the chemo treatments and was aged by 25 – 30 years. He is only in his early 50’s, was an avid hunter, fisherman, always working on projects around the house… highly active and a real outdoorsman. Probably the last type of guy you’d expect to fall prey to this disease, never having smoked but among other areas, now battles lung cancer.
As I stood there talking with him a few weeks back, I couldn’t help but think while standing there, in a matter of a couple months, he’ll likely not be with us and it hit me like a cement block. All three of these people began to weigh on my head and in my heart, in how short life can be.
It occurred to me as well how we measure our good fortune in life based off the misfortune of others. In life we find people who selfishly cut other’s down for their own benefit, you know, “Cut folks down smaller so I look taller” kind of thing. It occurred to me how we do this in desperate situations in life. We don’t mean to do it, it is sort of a default safety mechanism. We see someone with worse problems and say “I thought I had problems!” And while that is presumably true, we’ve indeed just measured our good fortune in life by the yard stick of another’s misfortune.
I’ve often wondered who is the lowest man on the chain who can’t find someone worse than he is… Lord help him or her. With my being a blind individual, I tend to be thrust with such attitudes of “I thought I had problems… bless your heart.” And all the while I think “dude. You’re in an unhappy marriage, you have obvious pride and insecurity issues, you’re kids are struggling and you don’t seem to care, you have little evidence of a life purpose, and no spice in daily life, your life according to my simple standards is a real mess. As much as being blind can suck, I’d rather be me than you.” Perhaps that seems judgmental or unfair, but let’s face it, as we go through life we make distinctions and discernments about others in efforts to reference ourselves in the world, I just happen to verbalize it here.
That realization of my not wanting to be in some other’s shoes, made me realize that someone presumably lower on the pity chain can really see themselves a few links higher up than others. Perhaps even the lowest person according to some, see themselves higher than their observers. I found that “worse off “ is relative to one’s beliefs”, and beliefs tend to change when you find yourself in the midst of life issues that are permanent.
So that is what this song is about. In my own situation which some might look at as unfathomable, I see other’s and guiltily measure my own good fortunes by their “misfortune”, finding personal solace in “There’s always someone worse, bless their heart.”
Its also about the next deeper stage when that someone experiencing misfortune hits a little closer to home with someone I care about, and I then realize How ashamed I am for similarly labeling my good fortune as “There are others with worse things than me.” I feel guilty for using them as an emotional step stool to keep my own head up. It feels almost like stomping their fingers as they cling to life over the edge. That is the farthest thing from what I’d do in reality, I’d risk my own to help them, but I feel useless and in their helpless state feel guilty. Sort of a survivor’s guilt.
And then answering my own question of where is the one who is at the bottom of the “bless their heart” chain? Well? He or she doesn’t exist, because as we are pushed closer and closer toward our battle, it seems defense mechanisms kick in and folks resolve to finding either peace or resolve in where they are at. Not necessarily their choice, but mostly folks will come to a “come to Jesus” experience either figuratively or literally about their situation, and look at others much differently with their renewed or re-thunk values.
So that is the story behind this song Harder Ways. Lyrics below. You can stream the current Story Behind The Song at:
http://www.braddunsemusic.com/files/sbts.m3u
Thanks for reading. Hopefully you will look at others differently. If even just a little as a result is a huge blessing to me. For comments you can E Mail me here or Facebook Me.
always welcome listener's thoughts, good, bad, or indifferent.
Harder Ways
©2010 Brad Dunse
Looking in the TV screen a flash of evening news
Showed us how the homeless scavenge evening food
And there in my reflection an expression on my face
Exposed a crude conviction of my latest life complaint
There are harder ways
Talkin’ with my best friend over coffee and a roll
I looked away helpless as his chemo took control
Guilty eyes kept starin’ from the surface of my cup
So damned ashamed how I’ve labeled my good luck
There are harder ways
Lord help the one who can’t find someone worse than he
Some how he will find it ‘cause to him its you or me
Lookin’ from the stage tonight for all I know that someone’s you
We’d all look different if you knew the hidden truth
You might look at your neighbor with a furrow on your brow
Wonderin’ how he’ll manage, I can assure you right now
There are harder ways
There are harder ways
I write this month’s edition with the risk of possibility that the folks who were both the inspiration and topical message of the song, may get wind of this entry. I say risk, although the chance is not certain or large, it does exist. Due to the precarious and tender point of life they are in, it could be taken personally anywhere from flattery to offense, or perhaps deepen any negative feelings they are currently experiencing.
However, I’ve looked at it from my own perspective if I were in their shoes, as much as one can without actually being there, and how I’d feel about someone writing using me as a foundation and felt I’d be absolutely fine with it. It is how I feel, and so what I wrote, I mean it as a life lesson for the rest of us. I in no way wish to single out anyone or make them uncomfortable, so I’ve written as generic as possible.
The place where my work takes me is pretty routine in task, offering me the opportunity to get to know many people on the premises. My work is one that allows me to move from building to building, meeting various new people, and getting to know even better those whom I’ve chatted with extensively over the years. Some I’ve associated with outside the work environment. The point is, some folks are occasional re-acquaintances and others you get to know fairly well.
Within the past couple months I’ve seen one particular acquaintance again re-enter her battle against cancer. Though I don’t know her very well personally, I’ve talked with her a few times, have talked with her dad often and she is well known due to her situation. She has given it a fair shove with a hopeful audience watching from their grateful distance, but is now approaching her final battle grounds. A doctor’s six month prognosis before she’ll lose the war has turned into only weeks.
Writer’s Note: I originally wrote this in the beginning of the week. Sadly I have since learned only two nights ago, that the individual above has moved on to life after Earth. Though this is very sad, her suffering is no more. End of note.
Another person who I’ve also only met a few times, talking cordially but seeing around the premises often, went for a check up and found stage 4 lung cancer. She also with a doctor’s estimation of only six months before her war comes to an end.
Another person who some months back found out about skin cancer, was being treated and later found it traveled internally, as well just recently was also handed a six month war plan, which at this writing is narrowing in on the last couple months.
This latter gentleman is one whom I’ve talked to at length about football, fishing, kids, politics, office politics, cost of living, unions, home projects and a host of things. While I’ve never associated with him off site, I will say I can tell you how he stands on any of the above topics and more, and know him fairly well from the years of conversations.
Recently I saw him on the premises and he just sounded tired from the chemo treatments and was aged by 25 – 30 years. He is only in his early 50’s, was an avid hunter, fisherman, always working on projects around the house… highly active and a real outdoorsman. Probably the last type of guy you’d expect to fall prey to this disease, never having smoked but among other areas, now battles lung cancer.
As I stood there talking with him a few weeks back, I couldn’t help but think while standing there, in a matter of a couple months, he’ll likely not be with us and it hit me like a cement block. All three of these people began to weigh on my head and in my heart, in how short life can be.
It occurred to me as well how we measure our good fortune in life based off the misfortune of others. In life we find people who selfishly cut other’s down for their own benefit, you know, “Cut folks down smaller so I look taller” kind of thing. It occurred to me how we do this in desperate situations in life. We don’t mean to do it, it is sort of a default safety mechanism. We see someone with worse problems and say “I thought I had problems!” And while that is presumably true, we’ve indeed just measured our good fortune in life by the yard stick of another’s misfortune.
I’ve often wondered who is the lowest man on the chain who can’t find someone worse than he is… Lord help him or her. With my being a blind individual, I tend to be thrust with such attitudes of “I thought I had problems… bless your heart.” And all the while I think “dude. You’re in an unhappy marriage, you have obvious pride and insecurity issues, you’re kids are struggling and you don’t seem to care, you have little evidence of a life purpose, and no spice in daily life, your life according to my simple standards is a real mess. As much as being blind can suck, I’d rather be me than you.” Perhaps that seems judgmental or unfair, but let’s face it, as we go through life we make distinctions and discernments about others in efforts to reference ourselves in the world, I just happen to verbalize it here.
That realization of my not wanting to be in some other’s shoes, made me realize that someone presumably lower on the pity chain can really see themselves a few links higher up than others. Perhaps even the lowest person according to some, see themselves higher than their observers. I found that “worse off “ is relative to one’s beliefs”, and beliefs tend to change when you find yourself in the midst of life issues that are permanent.
So that is what this song is about. In my own situation which some might look at as unfathomable, I see other’s and guiltily measure my own good fortunes by their “misfortune”, finding personal solace in “There’s always someone worse, bless their heart.”
Its also about the next deeper stage when that someone experiencing misfortune hits a little closer to home with someone I care about, and I then realize How ashamed I am for similarly labeling my good fortune as “There are others with worse things than me.” I feel guilty for using them as an emotional step stool to keep my own head up. It feels almost like stomping their fingers as they cling to life over the edge. That is the farthest thing from what I’d do in reality, I’d risk my own to help them, but I feel useless and in their helpless state feel guilty. Sort of a survivor’s guilt.
And then answering my own question of where is the one who is at the bottom of the “bless their heart” chain? Well? He or she doesn’t exist, because as we are pushed closer and closer toward our battle, it seems defense mechanisms kick in and folks resolve to finding either peace or resolve in where they are at. Not necessarily their choice, but mostly folks will come to a “come to Jesus” experience either figuratively or literally about their situation, and look at others much differently with their renewed or re-thunk values.
So that is the story behind this song Harder Ways. Lyrics below. You can stream the current Story Behind The Song at:
http://www.braddunsemusic.com/files/sbts.m3u
Thanks for reading. Hopefully you will look at others differently. If even just a little as a result is a huge blessing to me. For comments you can E Mail me here or Facebook Me.
always welcome listener's thoughts, good, bad, or indifferent.
Harder Ways
©2010 Brad Dunse
Looking in the TV screen a flash of evening news
Showed us how the homeless scavenge evening food
And there in my reflection an expression on my face
Exposed a crude conviction of my latest life complaint
There are harder ways
Talkin’ with my best friend over coffee and a roll
I looked away helpless as his chemo took control
Guilty eyes kept starin’ from the surface of my cup
So damned ashamed how I’ve labeled my good luck
There are harder ways
Lord help the one who can’t find someone worse than he
Some how he will find it ‘cause to him its you or me
Lookin’ from the stage tonight for all I know that someone’s you
We’d all look different if you knew the hidden truth
You might look at your neighbor with a furrow on your brow
Wonderin’ how he’ll manage, I can assure you right now
There are harder ways
There are harder ways