Olympic Style Oops
Posted on March 2, 2010 with 1 comment
It was getting late, getting on about 6:45 Am and I was getting ready to head out for the day. I decide “yeah sure… I’ve got time for a quick bowl of oatmeal” so I microed some water, tossed in the fixin’s and it was steeping in the bowl on the counter. My wife gave me a kiss goodbye for the day and off she went. I thought… “The weather guy said this is one of the coldest mornings this winter… I better go start the truck”. You know this was way back this winter now, all the way to last week or so. So I grab up the truck keys, tell our pup Buster… “I’ll be right back pal”, walk out the door into the garage, and back out the side door of the garage. As I shut the door I thought to myself “Did… I… just… crap I did! I just locked the door when I shut it!”
Faster than Clint Eastwood’s cheroot clamped draw… I would have left him for dead… I made for a quick jab to the left front pocket… no keys. In practically the same movement went a quick slam to the right front chest pocket of my cover alls that would have impressed even Chuck Norris… crap no cell phone. My wife had just left and could still turn around to let me in… that is if I had my cell phone on me.
To continue my “Dance of External Disappointment” if I recall the moves correctly now let’s see it was… tighten fists, flap lips in unrecognizable contorts combined with a burst of vocal expression followed by a graceful delivery of the “heel knock” technique with shoe soles alternately skimming the ground in a forward motion… adding to the movement’s difficulty… a simultaneous wielding of arms, and finally completing the physical diatribe with an ugly spazmastic twisting of the torso and jerking of the head. I can here the judges now 9.9, 9.7, 9.8 as folks tossed flowers at me while screaming and I walk away with the Gold Medal in the Childlike Behavior by and Adult” competition.
I can hear the neighbors squinting out their front window saying “Wow. Brad’s doing some sort of Jazzercise, Turbo Jam or something out in the driveway… in cover alls no less… hmmm that must add a level of difficulty to the workout”.
So there I stand in the driveway, the pup staring at me through the front door glass with a tongue dangling toothy grin… I couldn’t tell if the toothy grin was just a default expression of a canine panting in despair of its owner’s predicament or a “You stupid schmuck, you’re oatmeal is mine now mmmmmuuuuuuuuaaaaaaahhhhhhahahahaah”.
At any rate I was glad that morning of all cold winter mornings I had the happenstance to have put on my cover alls before going out and did not jump out as usual in sweat pants and T-shirt with moccasin type slippers. That would have made for a new Olympic event called “The Shivering 40 Meter Dash to the Neighbors House” which I most certainly would have won.
That was my first and very likely my last time I’ll lock myself out of my own house. Well I’m hoping so anyway and if not, perhaps I can eliminate the Olympic styled driveway antics.
Y’all have a good day and keep those keys handy.
Faster than Clint Eastwood’s cheroot clamped draw… I would have left him for dead… I made for a quick jab to the left front pocket… no keys. In practically the same movement went a quick slam to the right front chest pocket of my cover alls that would have impressed even Chuck Norris… crap no cell phone. My wife had just left and could still turn around to let me in… that is if I had my cell phone on me.
To continue my “Dance of External Disappointment” if I recall the moves correctly now let’s see it was… tighten fists, flap lips in unrecognizable contorts combined with a burst of vocal expression followed by a graceful delivery of the “heel knock” technique with shoe soles alternately skimming the ground in a forward motion… adding to the movement’s difficulty… a simultaneous wielding of arms, and finally completing the physical diatribe with an ugly spazmastic twisting of the torso and jerking of the head. I can here the judges now 9.9, 9.7, 9.8 as folks tossed flowers at me while screaming and I walk away with the Gold Medal in the Childlike Behavior by and Adult” competition.
I can hear the neighbors squinting out their front window saying “Wow. Brad’s doing some sort of Jazzercise, Turbo Jam or something out in the driveway… in cover alls no less… hmmm that must add a level of difficulty to the workout”.
So there I stand in the driveway, the pup staring at me through the front door glass with a tongue dangling toothy grin… I couldn’t tell if the toothy grin was just a default expression of a canine panting in despair of its owner’s predicament or a “You stupid schmuck, you’re oatmeal is mine now mmmmmuuuuuuuuaaaaaaahhhhhhahahahaah”.
At any rate I was glad that morning of all cold winter mornings I had the happenstance to have put on my cover alls before going out and did not jump out as usual in sweat pants and T-shirt with moccasin type slippers. That would have made for a new Olympic event called “The Shivering 40 Meter Dash to the Neighbors House” which I most certainly would have won.
That was my first and very likely my last time I’ll lock myself out of my own house. Well I’m hoping so anyway and if not, perhaps I can eliminate the Olympic styled driveway antics.
Y’all have a good day and keep those keys handy.